A guide
How to write an obituary that sounds like them
An obituary is more than a notice. It is one of the first places the people who loved someone try to say who they really were. This is a gentle guide — not a template — for writing something that feels like them.
Start with a single true sentence
Before dates and facts, write one sentence that only fits this person. “She made every stranger feel like an old friend.” “He answered his phone with a song.” That sentence becomes your compass.
A simple structure
- The opening — name, age, where they lived, the day they died.
- Who they were — the true sentence, and one or two stories that prove it.
- The life they built — work, love, children, places, faith, causes, obsessions.
- Who they leave behind — family and chosen family.
- Practical details — the service, where to send flowers or donations.
Prompts, when the page is blank
- What did their laugh sound like?
- What did their friends call them, when nobody else was around?
- What could they do that nobody else in the family could?
- What small thing did they do every day that you will miss most?
- If a stranger read this in ten years, what would you want them to know?
A few gentle rules
- Specifics beat adjectives. “He grew tomatoes on the balcony” says more than “he loved gardening.”
- Read it aloud. If it sounds like a form, it is a form.
- Let more than one person write. Grief is not one voice.
- It does not have to be long. A short obituary, told honestly, is a whole life.
Somewhere for the rest of the story
An obituary can only hold so much. A memorial can hold the rest — the photos, the voice notes, the small stories only certain people know. A Place to Return.to is a private, warm space for family to keep adding to, together.